By Stephanie Evelyn McKellar

When some Midianite traders passed by, they drew Joseph up, lifting him out of the pit, and sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty pieces of silver. And they took Joseph to Egypt.
Genesis 37:28 28

Where does this newsletter find you? 

In the midst of this Coronavirus moment in history, 
in the midst of social distancing and sheltering in place,
in the midst of quarantine, 
driveby birthday celebrations, 
Concern for our healthcare and grocery workers, 
in the midst of family members becoming coworkers 
and parents becoming homeschool teachers... 

...how are you feeling in your body and your soul right now? 

Perhaps you find yourself worried about those you know and love whose immune systems would need a respirator if they caught COVID-19.

Perhaps you’re feeling anger or grief as the news triggers fears, concern and a sense of powerlessness. 

Perhaps you’re feeling stressed financially, worried your income or small business might not survive this season. 

Have you noticed the memes lately that are making their way around the internet? Some of my favorites include: 

“Have we tried turning 2020 off and back on again?”
“Whoever started playing Jumanji at the beginning of 2020, would you please finish your game?”

These speak to a deeper plea, a modern day lamentation to the heavens all around us: 

It’s not supposed to be this way. 

As Joseph finds himself moving further and further away from home, sold to the Ismaelites and on his way to Egypt, I suspect the same sentiments would’ve been appropriate to describe his circumstances. With every minute he gets further and further away from the life he knew and thought would be his status quo. 

I’m feeling a little bit like that: further and further away from the life, just a couple weeks ago, felt like it could go on forever. 

It’s not supposed to be this way. 

What we thought might be akin to a cold or the flu is taking lives across the planet every day. Washington state and Italian doctors in the 21st century are finding themselves making ethical decisions we thought philosophers answered and put to bed centuries ago. 
It’s not supposed to be this way. 

As I wake up every day to another day of quarantining and social distance, I pay attention to the voices and emotional expressions around me. What are people feeling? What are they needing? What’s the news update? How are people responding? I’m checking in, I’m reaching out, and I’m turning inward to root down within my own spirit each day. 

In this moment of social distance, our inner world and invitation to stillness becomes a little bit more discernible. The vulnerability we are feeling these days may be what we’ve long tried to distract from. 

This all leads me to another question for reflection: Who am I now, in these circumstances, facing this uncertain and unsteady road ahead? If I lose this or this, who am I without those things? What happens next? 

It’s not supposed to be this way. 

Perhaps. 

Perhaps there’s no going back to “normal.” Maybe “normal,” now being dismantled around us, was always an illusion. 

As Joseph’s journey moves forward and farther away from where he once called home, into uncertain and uncharted territory that feels threatening and dangerous, we may find ourselves a companion on our own journey in this moment in history. 

Here we are, invited in this moment. 
Maybe there’s only being present, 
And walking forward, 
One step at a time. 
Maybe we just bring all that we are, and
arrive 
to ourselves and our inner invitations, 
to each other and our shared humanity,
and to the God always among us 
in both the steady paths and the seasons of “so-far-off-the-path-that-I’m-feeling-deeply-lost-and-despairing”. 

A few tools that are working for me: 

• Taking a walk helps me remember that nature continues to show up for its normal, and invites me into different, slower, rooted rhythms. 

• Watch Frozen 2. The way they have dealt with loss of what was and facing the unknown is tremendous, moving, and powerful. 

• Reach out and connect. Sharing the experience of tougher feelings of fear, anxiety, depression, sadness, grief, anger, etc, helps the feelings feel less overwhelming. 

• Create something. Dwell in the creative power with which we have been created. 

• Share stories of people’s generosity, cultivating community, and showing up for each other. 

• Release expectations and practice self-compassion. You are doing a good job, in a very difficult time. 

A blessing for your road, 
For the uncertainty that lies ahead, 
And for the ways God encounters you and invites you along the path.