Interior Spaces

Photo Credit: Ryan Klinck

“Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed me, not only in my presence, but much more now in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, enabling you both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” Philippians 2:12-13

Crossroads

It often feels as though I am on a diving board
Up above the clouds
Teetering on the edge
One foot on the board
And the other foot off

I indecisively attempt to jump off the board
and hold on at the same time.
Do I take this great leap and fall into the unknown?
Or do I return down the way of security I came?

I hang in between the balance of
“Yes!”
“Wait…”
“No.”
And land on
“I.
Don’t.
Know…”

My head tells me to choose one
and get things over with
My fluttery heart says
“Don’t move! Stay where you are!”
And my spirit longs
For someway, somehow to choose both

The crossroads tear me into two
Each choice seems to bear death on its path
Deaths that I am not fully ready to embrace

So, I am held captive by the liminality of the situation
I am neither fully here nor fully there
Stuck in the cross hairs of
God’s eternal wooing of my spirit
And my frightful need for security and safety

So, I ask you God…
Which way, do I go?
For I know that my choices
Will lead to repercussions
That will radiate throughout my life

Questions - You are invited to sit with these questions and answer them in a journal, a document, or through verbal sharing with a group. Take time to sit with each section for a minute or so and see what rises up within you. Trust what comes up and listen to it, for it may lead you to unawakened parts of yourself.

Decisions to be made paired with multiple choices can leave us feeling overwhelmed and caught in the web indecision. How do we discern where God is leading us in our lives? What are the signs that guide you, especially whenever you do not feel like God is close to you?

So much of our life is focused on the “doing” of life that we seldom have time to sit down and contemplate the bigger questions...Who am I? What am I called to do? How does my story intersect with God’s greater story? What does it mean to work out our salvation in fear in trembling?

Teresa of Avila talks about how our lives need to be a marriage of Mary and Martha, where our interior and exterior lives find wholeness. What does it mean for our will and work to be aligned to God’s good pleasure? What does that look like in your mind? Are there examples of other people in your life that you can think of? What might this look like in your own life?